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"The worst thing you can do is to use the funk of sexual success as a hedge against the appropriate depths of self-horror. Remember, you're probably clever enough to fool someone better-looking for a while. But in the end, you're ugly. That's where you live, and you live there alone."
--Steve Almond

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Hey, guys?

Sometimes I’ll check in with friends.  I’ll say, “Hey this behavior I do,” or, “This way I have of thinking about something… it’s not crazy, right?”  And they’ll be like, “Erin, oh my God, honey, that’s nuts!  Why would you do that!?”  And I’ll be all, “Ha, I know, I’M KIDDING!”  And they all laugh and I have that inner panic like when I used to beg my mom to ride the mechanical horse in front of the grocery store and finally she’d let me and I’d hop on, put the quarter in, and then realize I was just going to sit there bouncing for two full minutes while she waited and strangers watched and I had to pretend to be having a great time whilst dying inside.

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