25th
Mr. Sensitive
I think a certain amount of self-awareness is fine, necessary even, so you don’t walk around like a schmuck with no concept of your effect on the rest of the world. But let’s talk levels. Have you noticed that people who pride them selves on being ultra self-aware — super in tune to their every emotional whim, conscious of each thought bubble — are more selfish than aware? There are two major categories: The I-feel-ers and the Do-You-Hate-Me’s.
Take my friend, *Craig for example. Craig is an I-feel-er. Craig, do you want to come over for dinner? “I’m feeling like my body needs to be home. You could come to me.” Craig thinks about why he does things, why he thinks things, why he simply is… A LOT. Right, I know, we ALL do that. We’ve been taught, too late in life probably, that the blood bath that is childhood fucked us up good and that now, our job as adults, is to unfuck ourselves. And to do that, we have to turn inward. INward, I said, not UPward as in your head is up your ass thinking how comforting your anus smells and what traumatic event (shared bath with the farting cousin at age 6?) caused you to think that. Being self-aware doesn’t have to translate to being UNaware of others. I’m so happy for Craig that he is always exactly certain of what he wants to eat, where he wants to go, and what he wants to do. I would be even happier if he learned the words ‘What do you want to do?’
Here’s the other kind — the Do-You-Hate-Me’s. This kind is harder to spot because they appear, initially, to be extremely in tune to you. To everyone. They read behavior, they listen closely, they watch your every move… to see how it relates to them. Try to vent about your life to one of these people. Me: “I’m so tired of making plans and then getting flaked on.” Person: “Wait, are you talking about me? I don’t flake, I mean, sometimes I might not call back, but I have a good reason. Like this one time…” And then guess what? The conversation is about reassuring HER. Listening doesn’t count when you’re listening for hidden meanings pertaining to YOU. You are not actually sensitive when you assume every tone, gesture, and glance is about YOU. This kind of person will hear you say you have a cold, your car got a flat tire, and you’re overdrawn at the bank then ask if you are mad at them because your tone sounded like you might be. This person assumes you hate them if you respond to the comment they made under your facebook status. These people describe themselves as sensitive when really they have never listened to anything anyone said without relating it back to themselves.
Listen, I come from a large extended family, each branch of which boasts it’s own brand of self-righteous bullshit. We span everything from My-parenting-is-better-than-yours to My-pallela-beats-the-shit-out-of-your-taco-bell to My-political-activeness-(activeness?)-is-superior-to-your-sad-bumpersticker-support. Mine is social brains. Just because you’re book smart, street smart, or even therapy-smart, don’t mean you got social smarts, which to me is the most important kind. So go think about that. And how it relates to YOU.
*name has been changed to protect the *sensitive.
*word has been changed to protect the douche bag.
